Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday in Pigeon Falls

Today's Saying
Solvitur ambulando, St. Jerome was fond of saying. To solve a problem, walk around. ~Gregory McNamee

The Pigeon Day’s Parade on Saturday was certainly one of the greatest parades ever in Pigeon Falls.
It started with a surprise . Instead of Vicki East riding in an open car and singing the Pigeon Falls song. It started, instead, with Calab riding one of those huge , wooly, elephant creatures and carrying a bouncing head. One poor lady was so surprised she dropped her pasty. The animal raised its trunk, trumpeted and the building shook. At the end of the parade route Calab rode off into the woods.
Apparently the only one’s who knew this was coming were Mrs. Trumble and Vicki East. Of course, everything else was sort of anti climax but still fun. Last Lutheran’s Youth Group had a beautiful float built around the theme saved by grace. The Liar’s Club had a giant mouth. People were very creative but Calab still stole the show.
It was a very good day for the Methodist ladies who sold a lot of pasties. You can’t beat a good Methodist pasty made from an old Cornish recipe.
Today they will name the potato farmer of the year and all the summer festivities will be over.
The only other thing to be announced is the winner of the Liar’s Club Contest. Rumor has it that Jon Bergall got a 9.7 but that’s only a rumor.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

13th Sunday After

Today's Saying

26If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless. James 1:26

Over at Last Lutheran Pastor Joan has just finished putting a few last additions into her sermon . Here is a part of that sermon:
I look out over the congregation and I am so glad to see you here.
You are the good church members.
We have members who only come once or twice a year.
We have members who never come.
We have former members up to no good at all.
Some of them are drunks, some fornicators, some just rotten people.
But you’re here because you’re the good people.
God has to love you and me.
I’d be surprised if he even likes them.
Some of you look a little uncomfortable.
Perhaps you are one of them.
The rest of you know I’m right.
Is there anybody here that doesn’t see us as better than them?
Raise your hand so we can know who you are.
Only Herman.
Please don’t tell me that only Herman knew the truth. Please tell me, over coffee , that you were just afraid to disagree with me
Tell me you didn’t want to upset the pregnant lady.
Tell me you are really Lutheran and believe in salvation by grace.
Tell me you know that you aren’t any better but you are forgiven.
Tell me you don’t look down on anybody.
Tell me your not one of today’s Pharisees.
Please!Please tell me.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Parade

Today's Saying

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
Charles Austin Beard

Today is the day of the big Pigeon Falls Day Parade. All over town people are dressing up or hauling out floats. You can here Eino’s Stanley Steamer as he fine tunes the motor. That is one noisy car. There is no celebrity to lead the parade this year so it will begin with a float by the Musicgals on which Mrs. Vicky East will be singing the not yet revised Pigeon Falls song. Rumor is that the Liar’s Club has a giant pigeon on their float this year. But with the Liar’s Club it is hard to get the truth. The Big Liar Buddy East has announced that all the stories will be in and told by tomorrow. So Monday if there is one clear winner he or she will be announced. It looks like the parade is shaping up to be the greatest parade ever.
Looking back over the week.
On Friday Mrs. Trumble noted the great work that Constable Ican was doing and told the town Council they now had a real police force. She moved to change the name from Constable to Police with Ican as Chief. She really wants to keep him here.
During the week people, usually tourists, reported seeing a large wooly elephant like creature but that has not been confirmed.
There is some fear that one of the giant spiders is still running around but where can a giant spider hide?
A lot of people did their “ I remember when” stories but the bad judges seemed to have returned and they didn’t score well. Lots and lots of complaining this year that the judges were just too low scoring.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Ican Learns

Today's Saying
"Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."

Constable Ican met the Physician's Assistant and the nurse at the door . He told them he had found Calab unconscious at the foot of the basement stairs and had carried him upstairs and laid him on the couch. Further he pointed out that since he called them Calab had regained consciousness but neglected to mention the spitting heads. As Ican left to go back to his office he said “ You probably should give Calab some oxygen”.
“We’ll determine that “ the PA said in a somewhat disturbed voice.
Soon after Ican left Calab began to have trouble breathing and the nurse was sent to bring in the oxygen from the ambulance. As they administered the oxygen his breathing returned to normal.
Calab could remember going to the basement door and then he had no memory of anything until he found the PA giving him oxygen. He did not remember Ican, or the spitting heads. That entire part of his memory was just not there.
Constable Ican went to see Mrs. Trumble and told her the entire story, complete with the spitting heads.
She laughed and said “ Now you are really part of this town. You can expect stranger things to happen and we are glad you’re here when they do. You aren’t thinking of quitting are you.”

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Saving Calab

Today's Saying
Money buys everything but good sense.- Old Yiddish Saying

Constable Ican , still not sure why he was doing it, rushed into Calab’s house. Everything looked fine. There was no sign of a struggle. No indication of any kind that foul play had taken place. It looked like he kicked in the door for nothing. “ Well”, he thought” This was a good job while it lasted. Door smashing just wasn’t in the job description.”
After he had looked through all the rooms and even the upstairs closets he started for the door.
Then he though “ Look in the basement you idiot. Are you all this dumb.”
Well he had broken in and it wouldn’t hurt any worse to look in the basement so he turned back and headed for the basement door.
There at the bottom of the steps was an unconscious Calab. He had , apparently, fallen down the stairs.
Constable Ican called for what passed in Pigeon Falls as a crack emergency response team, consisting of Herman, a nurse, and a Doctor’s assistant. He carried Calab upstairs and laid him on the couch. He was barely breathing. It would take the team a half hour to get there and he wasn’t sure Calab would last that long.
That’s when he thought “ Hold the front door open”.
That made as little sense as anything else did. So he opened the front door and held it open.
Suddenly two bouncing heads appeared and bounced by him to Calab. They spat on Calab’s head. Constable Ican swears he saw puffs of smoke as the spit landed.
Suddenly Calab sat up. His color was returning.
Constable Ican thought “ Now he needs oxygen and a rest”. The heads bounced out the front door and into the woods.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Save Calab or Not

Today's Saying
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. ~ Elayne Boosler

As Constable Ican stood on the front porch he kept getting this thought “ Break in. He needs you.” He kept telling himself that was silly. He didn’t know enough to think that Calab needed him. He couldn’t break in without cause. He just couldn’t. But the thought kept coming back only now it got weirder.
He was thinking “ We are telling you he needs you”. He never had “we” thoughts before. Perhaps, he was working too hard on this case that might not even be a case.
Then he thought “ Are you stupid get in there and save him before it’s too late.”
Now he knew his mind was going.
So he decided to go back to the office and take an aspirin.
But as he started back toward the car he thought” Stupid ! If you leave he dies. Get in there”.

So he decided to throw caution to the wind and go with his gut or to be more exact the voices in his head.
The worst that could happen is he could lose his job. Try explaining to the Mayor that “I know they couldn’t use the evidence I found there . It being the fruit of the poison tree or some such legal thing. But the voices made me do it “. That defense would take him a long way.

But he went back up on the porch. Stared for a moment at the door and then kicked.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Poor Calab

Today's Saying
People should take time to be happy. - Grandma Moses

Calab Hendrickson has disappeared. He hasn’t been seen since his last Wednesday. His relatives are worried and have asked Constable Ican to investigate.
Of course this being Pigeon Falls rumors abound.
He was eaten by the bouncing heads.
He was taken by one of those giant spiders.
He was kidnapped by the bouncing heads.
He was stepped on by one of those big, wooly elephant like things. He lies crushed in the woods.
The government agents have him in a secret government location and are trying to force him to tell them where the bouncing heads are.
He got drunk and fell into a ravine somewhere.
He has a secret girlfriend and is spending time at her place.
He went to Disney World ( Amanda –six suggested this)
Nancy says at least Ican has a lot to choose from.
Our good Constable, however, has some problems. He needs a legal way to get into Calab’s house. The man has a right to privacy. There is no proof he is dead or kidnapped. There is no proof any crime has been committed. So he can’t just pick the lock or break the door. Calab's relatives, on the other hand are sure something terrible has happened and want action now.
So Ican went out to Calab’s place. There was one small house and two barns , all locked up tight. No signs of a struggle outside. There is some kind of stain on the front porch which could very well be blood and tests as blood with Ican’s limited equipment. But whether it’s human or not is another question. The town has no crime lab and Ican has to send a sample out to the crime lab. That takes time.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Big Race

Today's Saying

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. ~Vilhjalmur Stefansson, 1964

Saturday was one of the most interesting race days since Pigeon Falls Days began. There were more participants than ever and there was the new wheelbarrow relay. That was a wild event. There was this out of town team. In the wheelbarrow was some guy named Doctor John clutching an oxygen tank and looking totally frightened. His daughter Pennie pushed the first round and she seemed to be limping so that round gave them horrible time. But then his wife Betty took the next round. Wow could that old lady run. She certainly made up a lot of the time Pennie lost. A lady named Quilly, odd name that, took over next. She ran like the wind and they might have been ahead at the end of that round but that's when it happened. On the passing some guy named Thom , who was taking pictures of the whole thing got to close. He tripped and fell into the two people making the pass. They pushed and the wheelbarrow suddenly shot loose and down an embankment. The poor old guy , oxygen tank and all , got dumped on a pile of rocks. Now he can't walk. Thom kept apologizing and taking pictures.
The judges offered to let them run the last round again with the time starting from when the accident happened. But Dr. John refused to get back in the wheelbarrow. He kept saying " a guy could get killed."
The winners of the event were the Bergall Family. Jon's father rode in the wheelbarrow.
The Maki's won the three legged race as they have for the last three years.
Buddy East almost won the sack race but tripped just before the finish line. He was beaten by a six year old kid.
In the big baseball game. The local Catholic Church defeated Last Lutheran. In fact of the three teams that played, Last Lutheran was last. They gave that their best players were all in the races and were just plain tired out.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Twelfth Sunday After

Today's Saying

Discipleship means allegiance to the suffering Christ… It is a joy and token of His grace. …Dietrich Bonhoffer

It is Sunday in Pigeon Falls and Pastor Joan is putting the finishing touches on her sermon.

Here is a part of that sermon:

I was at a Wedding reception a few weeks ago and a man , who had had a little too much to drink came up to me. He stuck his finger in my face and said “ What about dead babies, huh? What do you have to say about them”

How do you answer that?

I said “ That’s a good question come to my office during the week and we’ll talk about it.”

He walked away muttering “ Stupid Pastors never give you a straight answer.”

I assume the question behind his finger was “ How can you believe in a good and loving God in a world that is not good, not loving, and certainly not kind.

How can you believe when babies die?”

Usually I am asked that question by people who don’t want to believe.

They always have that smug , now I’ve got ya, look.

And they do.

I don’t know why babies die. I don’t.

I don’t know why the poor suffer. I really don’t.

I don’t know why God gave us free will. I really don’t.

I could spend this entire sermon telling you the things I don’t know.

But this I do know.

When the guy with the smug look walks away having stuck it to the preacher I hear a voice saying “ Will you too go away?”

Will I throw it in and become a teacher or a social worker?

In this age of unbelief walking away is far easier than staying.

But I suppose it always has been.

But then I hear myself joining Peter and saying “ Lord where shall I go. You have the words of eternal life.”

I don’t follow Jesus because of proofs.

I follow Him because he is for me the Truth and the Way.

He gives me joy and peace. He sets me free.

In Him I am alive.

Lord where else can I go. Your it.

You’re the One.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


Today's Saying

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Harold Whitman

Today is going to be a fun day in Pigeon Falls.
In the afternoon all the crazy races are being held. All week Father’s and sons have been working at getting ready for the three legged race. Other’s have been practicing pushing somebody in a wheelbarrow. New this year is the wheelbarrow relay race. The race is four miles long and each of four people push a lap. The fifth person sits in the barrow. There will be laughing and screaming. For the most part just plain fun.
In the morning the Liar’s Club stories continue. Rumor has it that some non local named Thom is in the lead at this point. But The Big Liar Buddy East is not saying anything.
A lot of time was spent in the week gone by getting ready for the big parade next Saturday. Anybody that belonged to any kind of group got called to come work on that group’s float. Eino has dusted off and fired up his Stanley Steamer and says it is ready.
They still don’t know who will lead the parade.
The Tommy Club is working on a float but they , so far, have worked without Tommy UK. He spent last week working through his own problems.
The Parade theme , like the Liar’s Club story theme is Remembering When.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Tommy's Dad

Today's Saying

There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. ~John C. Collins

Mrs. Trumble wiped a tear from her eye and then said “ No Tommy. It is not the man in black. I really wish it was. You can’t believe how much I wish it was.
Then she went on to tell Tommy how the man in black was Tommy’s father’s best friend. How he was there when his father was dying and how he had promised to watch over Tommy . She pointed out that he has been very good at keeping the promise.
It seems that Tommy’s father had also been one of the men in black. They were not from our dimension but were special beings whose task it was to keep the beings from one dimension from invading another. They were called Guardians. Their biggest problem was with the demons who seemed to think the entire universe belonged to them.
A group of demons had ambushed Tommy’s father and by the time other Guardians arrived to defeat them Tommy’s father was dying. He got his friend to promise both to watch over Tommy and to tell his one true love Mrs., Trumble what had happened. That’s when she went to live with her parents.
Tommy was both sad and happy with the information. He was happy he knew who his father was but sad that he would never meet him. Now he had to come to grips with the fact that he was only half human.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just a Normal week

Today's Saying

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. ~Josh Billings

So far this is one of the weeks that people in Pigeon Falls cherish.
There has been no pronouncement from Petrovich.
The dragons have flown over every evening.
The whale showed up in the Lake of the Loons.
The ghost piano played right on time and the empty shoes danced.
Tourists kept coming.
The Liar’s Club story tellers entertained people on main street.
Just a normal week.
Well that is if you don’t count the two government men who have been harassing Calab. They want him to tell them where the bouncing heads are. Calab claims he doesn’t know as they haven’t given him that information. He did tell him that they don’t talk as such. When they want him to know something the words just appear in his mind. “It was their idea to do the juggling act in the variety show. I don’t even know how to juggle.” Calab pointed out.
Despite their threats to have him arrested for harboring aliens Calab hasn’t told them anything more.
Tommy UK has been getting all the information he ccan from his birth mother Mrs. Trumble. It really made him feel good that she had come to Pigeon Falls to watch over him. She even showed him her album of pictures she took of him as he was growing up.
But finally hhe asked her the one question rthat was left.
“Who is my birth father? Is it the man in black?”

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Today's Saying

Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning? ~Coleman Cox

Either the judges are getting more generous or we have a better group of story tellers. Yesterday there were a number of people whose stories rated high eight's and another over nine. The over nine was achieved by Josh Pemberthy. Here is his story:
I remember when the entire town of Mayfar disappeared into that fog and vanished forever. Some of you must remember Mayfar. It was thirty miles down Higgins road . If you go there now you will see a huge field where the town used to be.
When I was a kid I used to go to Mayfar once a week to visit my uncle Bob and his wife Stella. They ran a little grocery store there and he always had a treat for me. I would get on my moped early in the morning and spend most of the day with them. I got to know most of the people in Mayfar. They were a nice lot. I really liked them.
But then came my last trip to Mayfar . It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining bright but as I came up to Mayfar it was shrouded in a dense fog. You just couldn’t see the town at all. Then suddenly the fog lifted and there was no town at all.
My uncle’s store was gone. The Odd Fellow’s building which was a big as our Masonic building was gone. The Happy Logger Lumber Yard was gone. Every single building was gone . Taken away by that fog.
Well I raced home to tell my mother. I hollered “ Ma, Ma , Mayfar has vanished. Uncle Bob is gone.
She said “ Are you off your meds again?” She said that a lot.
That’s when I understood the magic or the invisible alien rays had gotten to her. She even said I didn’t have an uncle Bob. And he was her brother.
See I was protected by this aluminum foil in my hat. The rays couldn’t get through that. But they got to everybody else. Even the pictures in the family album of Mayfar all fogged up.
But I still knew.
A girl, Heloise, I met at the Institution is the only one , other than me, that remembers Mayfar.
Don’t look at me like that I took my meds this morning.
And I do remember when Mayfar vanished

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Obama born where?

Today's Saying
The memories of men are too frail a thread to hang history from. ~John Still

Sophia Polaski who is her visiting her relatives did a Lion’s Club Liar’s Club story. She got over a 9.
Here is her story.
I remember when I found out what President Obama really was. I have to swear all of you to secrecy because if they find out I know they will destroy me. In fact if you listen to my story you are taking a real risk.
As my relatives may have told you I worked for the Obama campaign. I did such a good job I was even asked to accompany his main group on some campaign trips. It was on one of those trips that I made my discovery. I had left some of my material in the conference room and went back to retrieve it. That’s when I heard them. They were concerned about being sure they could prove he was born in the US. Finally one of them said we’ll go back in time and set the documents in place. They won’t be able to doubt that.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could they go back in time and tamper with official documents? It made no sense.
The door was open a crack and that’s when I saw them. They had dropped their human shape and were there as the aliens they were, almost human but still different. They had plans on taking over the world. It started with getting one of them elected President. Well I got out of there before they saw me. The next day I made an excuse about an illness in the family and left the group.
I never went back.
I know what he is and that he was born on another galaxy.
Now I do have a picture of me and the President. I also have a very blurry picture I took through the crack in the door but if you look close I think you can see they aren’t human.
I remember when it all happened and I’m reminding you to tell no one.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Catching Up

Today's Saying
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. ~Edgar W. Howe

On Saturday Patrick Marvel, son of a former Pastor of Last Lutheran won the 4K Yellow Brick Road Race. Only one contestant twisted an ankle and he was treated in the local clinic.
Jon Bergall won the spouse carrying contest . People were surprised to see them entered since the last time they ran he ended up dropping her . Runner up was Hilda Salmi from Detroit whose husband is just a little guy. She might have won but when they were going through the kiddy wading pool he made some remark about her not getting him wet and she paused to think about dumping him in the pool but then went on. That cost her ten or eleven seconds and she only lost by five.
The Teddy Roosevelt Train was a great success . With all the old costumes you felt like it was really that time. In fact some of the tourists really looked confused.
The last night of the Variety show has been hailed by most of those who were there as the greatest Variety show ever. This time Calab stood alone on the stage and the heads came bouncing to him. It was spectacular, really spectacular. The Choirs were great. The Abbot and Costello Act finally got its lines right and was hilarious. The only thing missing was the new Pigeon Falls song whick Vicki East didn’t get finished. She did, however close the show with the old one.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Today's Saying
A man who asks is a fool for five minutes. A man who never asks is a fool for life. - Chinese Proverb

It is Sunday in Pigeon Falls. On this the last day of Old Timer’s week Pastor Marvel used to put on the old robes and wear clerical tabs like they did years ago but Pastor Joan says she can’t look like a pastor of one hundred years ago because the Lutherans had no woman pastors. She’d have to put on a fake beard and it would cover the tabs. But she did put on an old black robe in place of the white alb she usually wears. Here is part of her sermon for today:

“How many of you believe Jesus is really present in the Communion you will receive today? Raise your hands. Wow! Everybody
How many of you understand how Jesus is present in the Bread and Wine ? Will you please raise your hands. What! No hands raised.
Your going to take Holy Communion today and you don’t understand how Jesus is present.
It might surprise you but so am I.
I don’t know how Jesus can be there for us in the Bread and Wine.
I’ve read a lot of books with a lot of explanations but none of them satisfy, not one.
And yet I know He comes to me in the Bread and in the wine.
I know that somehow they are his Body and Blood.
Luther teaches that in the Small Catechism without ever explaining the how.
He says: What is the Sacrament of the Altar?
It is the true body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, under the bread and wine, for us Christians to eat and to drink, instituted by Christ Himself.
I guess we need to settle for that.
He who gives life is there to give us new life.
We do not need to understand or explain to receive.
We just need to receive.
Come Eat.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Saturday in Pigeon falls

Today's Saying
Having two ears and one tongue, we should listen twice as much as we speak. Old Turkish Saying

Today is one of those really active days in Pigeon Falls. There is the Yellow Brick road 4K run. It has over 200 entrants. That’s odd because it is hard to run on those old bricks. Last year two runners ended up with sprained ankles and never finished the race. They got their sweatshirts anyway. Along with that is the Spouse carrying contest. That takes place on main street and one has to carry one’s spouse over various obstacles. This year fifty three pairs are entered. If we are lucky nobody will drop their wife in the mud like they did last year. As far as we know that couple is still together although she swears he did it on purpose.
There is also a rumor that on this the next to the last day of Old Timer’s week that the Bull Moose campaign train is going to make a quick stop in Pigeon Falls and Teddy will address the crowd himself. In any case there is a brass band waiting at the station and great big signs have been put up saying vote Teddy for President.
The variety show which has been sold out every night has gotten better and better .Mrs. Trumble’s little comedy ski brought down the house
it was so funny. People cried when Last Lutheran’s Senior Choir sang a medley of old time romance songs. And Calab added another one of those heads to his act last night so he was juggling three of them .At the end they stuck out their tongues and spit in unison. How often do you see that?
The only problem was Vicki East still didn’t have the revision ready but she says she wants every word to be perfect.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Finally the Truth

Today's Saying
Problems always look smaller after a warm meal and a good night’s sleep.- Old Saying

Poor Tommy UK almost burst into tears when he saw the look on Mrs. Trumble’s face. He had been so sure. But then she threw her arms around him and began to cry and laugh at the same time.
Finally she stopped and asked “ What took you so long? “
He responded “ Why didn’t you just tell me I gave you plenty of opportunity”=. You know.”
I couldn’t “ she explained “ I promised a long time ago I wouldn’t tell you unless you confronted me and already knew. But I’ve been trying to help you. I even hummed the song I sang to you when you were a baby.”
Then she went on to tell of her falling in love with a wonderful young man. They seemed perfect for each other. They talked of marriage. She gor pregnant with Tommy. He told her why he couldn’t marry her and why he had to leave. So there she was in Hollywood, pregnanyt with no husband so she packed up and moved home. Tommy was born in her parent’s house. They didn’t dare go to a hospital where she might be recognized so a good friend who was a Doctor came there. The Doctor knew your uncle and arranged to take the baby to him and he arranged the adoption. She disappeared from public view altogether.
At a private party she met Mr. Trumble. He knew nothing of her history . In fact he had never been to a movie. They dated for a bit and then they married. She talked him into retiring in Pigeon Falls so she could keep an eye on Tommy and when Mr. Trumble died she stayed on.
This was almost more information than Tommy could process but it did help him to see why Mrs. Trumble had always been so important to him.
Now he needed her to tell him who his father was.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tommy Gets Brave

Today's Saying
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.
Richard Lamm

The variety show got off to a less than spectacular start last night. A lot of the acts didn’t go as they were supposed to. Wednesday turned out more like a dress rehearsal for the rest of the week. Even Vicki East wasn’t ready woith Pigeon Falls Song revision. There was , however, one highlight that will never be forgotten . Calab Hendrickson who lives near the end of road did a juggling act that was literally out of this world. He juggled two of the bouncing heads that had come through the dimensional door but couldn’t get back when Tommy TW and the man in black sealed the doorway. As he juggled the heads went higher and higher crossing over from one side to the other over and over. But when they came down they always ended up in Calab’s hands. When he ended the act and bowed he held his hands out from his side and they seem to bow as well. The audience clapped and clapped. The heads had great big smiles and then both spit. That seems to be their expression of gratitude. People wanted to talk with him afterwards but he and the heads had vanished.
Tommu Uk was visiting Mrs. Trumble in her office, the one with the big window. After a lot of small talk about the Pigeon Fall Days program she asked if he had gotten brave enough to confront his supposed mother.
Tommy replied “ You know I haven’t”.
Mrs. Trumble responded “ What do you mean I know?”
Tommy stood up straight , looked her in the eye, and said “ Because you are my birth mother”.
Mrs. Trumble looked at him like he was nuts.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Today's Saying
Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody's business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can.

-Thomas Merton

The Pigeon Falls Lion's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories. The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words. 'The title must be " I remember when ........"
The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth. ( Figure that out)
There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story.
More information is available HERE

Yesterday Tommy UK almost confronted the woman he thinks is his birth mother. Twice he went to where she was working and could see her through the window. But both times he chickened out and went to Nancy’s and had a cup of tea and a saffron bun. Nancy told him to pull himself together and just go and do it.
Tonight the big variety show starts. Various people are down at the theater rehearsing their acts. The manager says they will be lucky if they can hold the whole thing to three hours.
Vicki East is working on a revision of the Pigeon Falls song to unveil at this variety show.
Nancy is a bit sad today. It is the anniversary of her first husband’s death. She had been married to Henry Johnson for only a month when he went back to his job as head mechanic for the M&LC railroad . He got careless and somehow fell under the train. Sometimes she believes it was her fault because he was thinking about her instead of paying attention to the job.
Because of the large number of people wishing to tell " I remember when" stories the Liars Club extended their deadline to the end of the month sort of. Well it is the Liar's Club so who knows if they really mean it. They might give one to the middle of next month.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Dr. John DDS

Today's Saying
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough.

The Liar's Club Contest continues and yesterday Thom Robinson who is visiting from Honolulu Hawaii took his turn. Here is his story:

I remember when, Dr. Betty, DDS, whom had the local dentist office, fell in love with the travelling carnival clown Bill, and decided to move on with the carnival. That very next week, Dr. John, DDS, set up shop in the exact location. It just so happened that the day after he opened his doors for business, I had a problem with my teeth. Walking to his office I see his sign on the door:



I kid you not I was scared. But I decided to go on in. Entering I see a pretty filly with a name tag of Melli. And she was a filly. Every time she spoke the room filled with blue bubbles. Sitting next to her, with a name tag of Cherie on her, was a puffy panda. A real panda mind you. Everytime that Cherie spoke these huge red lips, all puckered up and ready to kiss would float across the room. I looked over and everyone in the waiting room was ignoring all of this and it was as if nothing was happening. So after checking in, I sat convinced I was just imagining this.

Soon thereafter, the door to the examination area opens and out comes Nessa, an orange butterfly. She calls my name and all these tarot cards start floating across the room. I decide to follow her and say it’s just my imagination. Walking down the hall we pass a room where the hygenist was. Her name tag said Quilly. She said hello and all the books in the office start opening and pages begin turning. Was there no end to this?

Nessa guides me to the room and orders me to sit in the chair and says, more tarot cards now, Dr. John, DDS will be right with you. She flutters away. About two minutes later the door opens and in comes an Octipai with 12 arms. The name tag says Dr. John, DDS. I feel like I’m going to faint here. Dr. John, DDS, says nothing and one of his arms gets in my mouth and within seconds the words “Impacted Widsom Tooth” appear right before me.

With no novocaine or gas, Dr. John, DDS grabs a pipe wrench, that was the size that could open any 16” pipe, opens my mouth, pulls the tooth and with his outstreched arms sends it across the hall to Baron, the 12” Giraffe. Meanwhile, Quilly and Nessa come into the room and all of a sudden while Baron starts to hammer away at the tooth, their skirts begin to twirl. I guess when he hummed, the skirts started twirling as the minute he stopped the skirts stopped. In less than a minute, Dr John, DDS, stretched his arm out grabbed the tooth and put it back into my mouth. They all left the room. I felt like a million bucks. It was as if nothing had happened.

I walked out to where red lips and blue bubbles filled the air and settled my bill. Melli and Cherie say goodbye and thank me for coming. Opening the door, all the people were gone. Had I hit the bottle too much last night? Was I too tired? Was I dreaming?

Later in the day, I get a note from Dr. John, DDS, delivered cash on delivery, which I happily paid, stating:

“The event’s were real. The footage of your ixtraction is preserved on 16mm film and is stored in the vault at TP4WW Bank and Trust, a Sarcastic Corporation.” I have a copy. Now if we could find a 16mm reel to reel camera. I Remember the day I got my miracle.

His exact score seems to be unavailable but he did score over a nine and the judges gave him more than one ten. He is almost surely going to be one of the finalists.
Three others tried as well but all fell below nine. Dang low scoring judges.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Queen

Today's Saying
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo,."

The Pigeon Queen contest on Saturday was won by Amand East, Buddy East’s grand daughter. This was not much of a surprise because Amanda is very popular. She is a leader in Girl’s basketball, President of her class, and head of the Youth Group at Last Lutheran. She was introduced in Church yesterday as Queen Amanda . There were eight girls in the contest. Runner up Janel James had purchased a fancy dress just for the judging and was very disappointed not to be chosen. She was grumbling about always coming in second to “ goody two shoes”.
Poor Tommy UK is almost certain he knows who his birth mother is. He is almost certain he knows how she will react when he confronts her but he still hasn’t gotten up the courage to confront her. Tammy told him that he had fought demons and things from other dimensions so this shouldn’t scare him. But he told her this was different because if he was wrong he just wouldn’t know what to do next. It was the almost that scared him. But he promised Tammy he would do it this week , perhaps tomorrow or then again maybe Thursday.
Mrs. Trumble is working on a little comedy skit for the Variety Show, She says that as Mayor she needs to make a significant contribution . Not that the town needs much encouragement . Almost everybody seems to be working on something. This will be the biggest if not the best variety show ever. There are three choirs and the show manager is thinking of restricting them to no more that two numbers each. The tickets for the Wednesday night performance are already sold out, if you can believe that.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Tenth Sunday

Today's Saying
Nikka - age 6:
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

It is Sunday in Pigeon Falls and Pastor Joan is just finishing her sermon. Here is a part of it:
I assume you all noticed that the text that ended the Gospel last week is the text we started with today. The people who put the lectionary together must have thought it was important to give it to us two Sundays in a row. Either that or they assume Church people are so slow to get something you have to give it two them two weeks in a row for them to even notice. I’m betting it was important because we all know how carefully you all listen to the Gospel.
It is an important text. Jesus wants us to know He is the bread of life. For us as Lutherans this impacts on our Communion understanding. We believe Jesus is really present in the bread and wine as do our Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican neighbors. We believe that He who told us He was the bread of life comes to us in the bread and wine of the sacrament.
Jesus gives us someplace where the promise meets the physical world and we know He has come to us.
There are many , like those in the text today who just can’t accept this as a reality. They are sure we are deluded. That we don’t even need God in this scientific world let alone one that comes in bread and wine,
I understand what they are saying . I understand their reasoning. They sound so convincing.
Then I come to the Sacrament and Jesus comes to me and I am fed.
My hunger is taken care of.
I rejoice.
Jesus is the true bread which comes down from heaven.
Remember that as you meet Him in Communion today.
Then rejoice.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A week of Pigeon Days

Today's Saying

As long as we live, there is never enough singing.
~Martin Luther

The first week of Pigeon Falls Days went very well except for a little glitch in the pigeon calling contest which Constable Ican handled very well. All over Pigeon Falls people are practicing their acts for the coming Variety Show. Jarmo Maki who lives way out in the woods says he is preparing a juggling routine that will knock their socks off.
Art on the yellow brick road has been going very well with more artists than last year. Despite the bad economy they seem to be selling a lot of their works. Even that guy that makes things out of tin cans, old mufflers, and stuff like that is doing well and his stuff is horribly expensive. Of course, the rumor that some of the art work is haunted brought the ghost groupies out to the yellow brick road and they bought anything that even looked scary. The only sad note was the absence of the lady that sold prints and cups. The cups had fish with another picture inside the fish. She seems to have given up on Pigeon Falls and that’s sad.
This is the last year of a real yellow brick road. Next year it will be covered with blacktop and painted yellow. They may paint a brick design on top of that. But that hasn’t been decided yet. Old Bull Frog Jupola would be really surprised to see what they are doing to his road.
Wink’s is now paying Antti Pentila to put on a mask and rob the store every day. At a different time each day he rides in on his four wheeler wearing a mask and rushes into Wink’s . There he grabs the white house and has them put the cash in it. Only now the cash is stage money. Then runs out and rides off on his four wheeler. It is quite a show and the tourists love it.
The “ Almost a Theater Group” is planning something special for old timer’s week. But they aren’t telling anybody what it is.
Tommy UK still hasn’t confronted the lady he thinks is his birth mother. But he is thinking Monday or Tuesday would be a good time to do it.

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Going Going House

Today's Saying
Getting your ducks in a row is not easy as just when you think your there one falls off, one flys away, and one is really a goose and bites you. ~Dr. John

The Pigeon Falls Lion's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories. The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words. 'The title must be " I remember when ........"
The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth. ( Figure that out)
There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story.
More information is available HERE

The Liar’s Club contest goes on yesterday three people told there stories. None of them scored above an eight. All of them are saying it’s the judges. They are just scoring low this year. But this morning Tarmo Teliva who is visiting relatives in Pigeon Falls scored a nine point one two five. Here is his story.:
I remember when the Grampa Teliva’s house in Chicago disappeared . I was only eight years old and we lived down the street from Grandpa and Grandma in the Finnish section of old Chicago. I’m sure you remember when Chicago had a Finnish section. We even had a Finn Church and Finn stores. Today I think that section is a slum but then it was a wonderful place to live.
It was a beautiful day and I was sitting at the picnic table in the back yard having lemonade with Grandma when it started. Grandma grabbed my arm and shouted “ etsiƤ! EtsiƤ! “ . In those days I spoke Finnish as well as I spoke English and I knew she was saying “ Look! Look!” . So I Looked where she was pointing.
Now I know your not going to believe what I’m going to tell you but I swear it’s the truth. The house was disappearing. It was as if somebody was taking an eraser and starting from the top of the chimney was erasing the house. We watched in terror as first the roof, then the second floor, then the downstairs all disappeared .It went on until all that was left was a hole in the ground. There was no rubble or parts of the building just the hole. Grandma started to scream in Finnish and I had trouble understanding what she was saying, my Finnish was good but not that good. But then I figured out what had her so upset my cousin Raymond was sleeping on the couch in the living room and he and the dog were gone too.
I took my little Brownie camera, remember those, and I took a picture. I didn’t know what else to do.
Then the building started coming back. It started in the basement and little by little moved up to the roof and then it was back. I took pictures as it happened but they all didn’t turn out.
Grandma rushed inside and found Raymond still sleeping . He didn’t even know anything had happened.
Soon after that they sold the house and moved to Calumet in Upper Michigan. I really missed them.
I guess the house got caught in some kind of dimensional warp. It was there but not in our dimension.
We all worried about Raymond but he went on to become a judge and had no ill effects from the experience.
In case you don’t believe me I have my pictures here. They aren’t very good. I mean it was just a cheap Brownie camera. But you can see the hole and that there is no rubble .
But even if you don’t believe me I remember when the house disappeared.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Trumble-The Actress

Today's Saying
A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don't even have. ~Robert Brault

The Pigeon Falls Lion's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories. The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words. 'The title must be " I remember when ........"
The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth. ( Figure that out)
There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story.
More information is available HERE

Several more people tried telling “ I remember when” stories for the Liars Club but so far only those two have hit 9 or above. In fact this year , for the first time, somebody ended up in the sixes. Some are saying the judges, who are just people picked at random off the street, are scoring low. It is, as the theory goes, because of the poor economy. People are feeling depressed and thus give depressing scores. But the big scorers from previous years like the Bergalls haven’t told their stories yet. They could turn it around. There is even a rumor that Buddy East, President of the Liar’s Club is going to try his hand. He is certainly old enough to remember when.
Constable Assistant Fred McManis won the pasty eating contest. He ate thirty one pasties. That is not a record but it is a lot of meat and potatoes.
Tommy UK is thinking over what he learned at Mrs. Trumble’s . When he threw his arms around her she started to cry and said “ Tommy, Tommy you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that” . Then she hugged him tight.
Poor Tommy had not expected that but suddenly Mrs. Trumble broke into laughter. “Is that what you expect your birth mother to do Tommy” she said. “I used to be an actress and I’m still not bad am I. Now let me give you some advice . If you think you know who your birth mother is then stop playing games. Go to her and tell her you think she is your birth mother. If she is and she is worth finding she will admit it. It will be that simple. All across the country it happens every day.”
Tommy thanked her and left and is now thinking through what she told him. What he needs is a good shot of courage.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Rembering the Crane

Today's Saying
Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between. ~Alfred E. Neuman

Yesterday we had several people try the Liar’s club story contest all but one scored less than nine. They all claimed they got tough judges.
The one that may have made it to the finals is Preita Pelto who is from Detroit and is visiting her relatives in Pigeon Falls. She visits every summer during Pigeon Days but this is her first try at the contest. Here is her story:
“I remember when old Mrs. Olson , she’s passed on now, was attacked by the monstrous Sandcrane.
It was a day like today, warm with a nice breeze blowing. She decided not to put her laundry in the new fangled dryer her daughter gave her but to hang it out on the line , like the Lord intended.
You all remember Mrs. Olson and how she hated both the electric stove and the dryer believing that the wood stove and the sun were better.. Remember how she felt the electric stove burned everything and the dryer made her clothes feel funny.

So she was out hanging her best sheets when the monstrous sandcrane appeared. It was at least ten feet tall and made the most horrible womping sound you ever heard. I suppose the poor thing got lost and flew in from Wisconsin though they are supposed to have their own internal GPS. In any case , this one was there in Mrs. Olson’s back yard and it attacked her sheets.

It was a sight to see . The big sandcrane with those huge wings flapping pecking away at the newly washed sheets. But those were Mrs. Olson’s best sheets and though I told her to leave it alone and call the DNR she too her broom and went out after it.

Well that crane knocked the broom out of her hand and proceeded to turn the handle into wood chips. That bird had one powerful beak. Then it turned on Mrs. Olson.

That’s when Equo , Mrs. Olson’s dog came to her rescue. It got that old crane by the leg and wouldn’t let go until Mrs. Olson was safely in the house. You should have seen that sight. The crane tried everything it could to dislodge the dog including giving it some nasty pecks. At one point it even lifted into the air carrying the dog up with it but it came right back down. I guess it’s hard to fly with a dog on your leg.

It was just after they landed that Equo let go and took off for the house. That bird was so angry it pecked holes in Mrs. Olson’s screen door but her inner door held. Finally the bird flew off.

It wasn’t seen again in these parts. But I was there and I remember.
I have some pictures here in case you don’t believe me. By the time I found Mrs. Olson’s camera the crane was departing but you can see the damage it did to the sheets, Equo, and the screen door. Mrs. Olson, thinking nobody would believe her, told people a bear did it and made me promise not to tell the truth. But now that she is dead I guess it’s okay. There is one picture there of the underside of that monstrous crane as it was flying off. Even now I shudder when I look at it.

But I remember when.

She received a 9.125 .

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tommy's Mother ?

Today's Saying
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. ~Author Unknown

Constable Ican filled Mrs. Trumble in on what he had done and she agreed with him that the course he took was the best one for everybody.
“You know , of course, that we really would have had a hard time prosecuting Percy. I’m not even sure if he broke any laws.” Mrs. Trumble said to Ican.
“All that really counts is he believed he could be prosecuted.” Ican replied. “ Just remember cheaters always feel guilty when their caught.”
After Ican left Tommy UK arrived at the Town Hall. He told Mrs. Trumble that the hypnotism had revealed who his birth mother was.
Mrs. Trumble said “That’s wonderful! Who is she?”
Tommy UK smiled and replied “ I’m not telling anybody her name until I am sure it isn’t some thing that is the result of the hypnotism and that she really is my birth mother”.
“ That seems reasonable but how do you intend to become sure?” she asked him.
Tommy proceeded to explain his possible plans. “Plan number one was is to run up to her throw my arms around her and say “ mommy . I’m so happy I found you”. Then see how she responds. . If she looks at me like I’m totally insane then I’ll know it’s a gigantic mistake.”
Mrs. Trumble thought for a moment and said “But suppose she is a good actress and looks at you like you were insane . Then you still won’t know.”
“ Well I guess then I should consider plan 2” Tommy groaned “ I will hum this little melody while I’m visiting with her and see if she seems to recognize it If she does I will know I’m on the right track.. In any case I came to you because I need to practice. Will you help me.?
Mrs. Trumble agreed to help . Tommy asked her to play the part of his mother.
Then he threw his arms around her and said “ Mommy mommy I’ve found you”.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Crooks & Cheats

Today's Saying
Don't let the alarm clock of life wake you from the dream of your ideals. ~Irisa Hail

On Saturday Constable Ican and his assistant went out to Antti Pentila’s place with a search warrant . Ican was surprised to find the birdhouse shaped like the White House on display in the living room. He was even more surprised when Antti proudly confessed to the robbery. According to Antti he made that birdhouse and a good number of things on sale at Wink’s Woods. Apparently they hadn’t gotten around to paying him so he went in and collected. Constable Ican felt sorry for him but arrested him and lodged him in the local jail
He got back just in time to catch the present owner of Wink’s ,Percy Perrwinkle, cheating in the pigeon calling contest. He saw that he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and the temperature was 85 degrees. That made no sense. In addition one arm seemed wet. So he asked for the shirt and put it out on the sidewalk. Soon it was covered with pigeons pecking away at it.
It seems that Percy had soaked it in peanut oil to attract pigeons.
Ican hauled him off to jail as well.
In the privacy of the new jail Ican explained that the attempt to defraud the town of more than a hundred dollars was a very serious thing and could mean three or four years in prison.
Percy demanded a lawyer or he wasn’t saying anything.
“Let’s keep the lawyers out of this “ Ican said an offered him a deal. If Wink’s didn’t press charges for the supposed robbery then the town would forget the attempt to fleece the city.
The town would be told the Robbery was just staged for the tourists.
Perry agreed and Ican after getting the agreement on the robbery in writing released both men.
Constable Ican was beginning to like small town police work. Sometimes it solved a number of problems and without that darned paper work.
Tommy UK is still trying to think of the best way to confront the woman who he thinks is his birth mother. Today he is going to get Mrs. Trumble’s advice on the matter.

Coming tomorrow - Tommy UK throws his arms around Mrs. trumble and says " Mommy mommy I’ve found you".

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Ninth Sunday After Pentecost

Today's Saying
You've gotta have hope. Without hope life is meaningless. Without hope life is meaning less and less. ~Author Unknown

It is Sunday and Pastor Joan is looking over her sermon for the day. Here is part of that sermon:
Have you ever been hungry.
I mean really hungry,
Not the kind of hunger some of you have while you suffer through the sermon so you can get home to those steaks or roast or whatever your having for lunch.
I mean real hunger.
The kind that puts food at the center of everything.
Or have you ever been thirsty?
I don’t mean you feel like you could use a cup of coffee kind of thirst. I mean the kind of thirst that has you afraid you’ll die if you don’t get water.
Real hunger and real thirst were common in Jesus’ Day. So we can understand why people who see Jesus as the great bread maker chase after Him. They just don’t want to be hungry any more.
But Jesus sees a different kind of hunger and thirst . A hunger and thirst that every person has.
So he offers them food and drink for that hunger and thirst.
But their mind is set and they can’t understand him.
Times have changed but people haven’t.
The same deep spiritual hunger and thirst is still there.
People try to ignore it.
They try to fill it with other things.
But the hunger and thirst remain.
Only when they accept what Jesus offers which is nothing less than Himself does the hunger and thirst cease.
To you this morning Jesus says “ I am the bread of life”
He is the Bread we all need.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Pigeon Falls Days Begin

Today's Saying
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. ~Author Unknown

Today is the first day of a month of Pigeon Falls celebrations of the beginnings of the town. It started at exactly 9:00 when Vicki East sang the Pigeon Falls Song. If you have never heard or seen it here it is:

When the Pigeons return to Pigeon falls- coo coo coo
And we hear them cooing in the wood-coo coo coo
Then the trains will run on time-coo coo coo
Things will be the way they should-coo coo coo
When the Pigeons return to Pigeon Falls-coo coo coo
And we hear them cooing in the wood-coo coo coo
People will be singing in the streets-coo coo coo
And all the crops will grow so good- coo coo coo
When the pigeons return to Pigeon Falls- coo coo coo
Then love again will fill the land- coo coo coo
With pigeons cooing in the wood- coo coo coo
We will all walk hand in hand.- coo coo coo

This was followed by the Official Proclamation from the Town Council read by Mayor Trumble
. It read as follows.
…..In as much as Pigeon Falls exists because of the good deeds of pigeons;
…..And in as much as it is good to remember how we came to be;
…..And in as much as the good deed happened in the month of August;
Therefore let us;
…...1. Set aside the month of August to be celebrated as Pigeon Days.
…...2. Set August 29 as the day for the annual Pigeon Days parade.
…...3. Be extra considerate of pigeons for the entire month.
…...4. Pick a Pigeon Queen –
…...5. Learn the Pigeon story and be sure to tell it to all the tourists.
…...6. Invite relatives and friends to visit Pigeon Falls during this period.

Then Mayor Trumble read the Pigeon Falls Story
..The Pigeon Story
In the beginning Pigeon Falls was called Potato Grove , since it was the potato crop that sustained the village. It provided both food to eat and food to sell. Farmers from Finland and Sweden had settled here and after moving tons of rocks began growing potatoes. For a few years everything went well. Then without warning a strange new bug appeared. No one knew where it came from but it attacked the potato plants with a vengeance. Pastor Helve Tillinen said it was God’s vengeance because the farmers were such bad givers and didn’t go to church much. He predicted the end of Potato Grove. The Pastor at the Methodist Church , Justin Cooper, said God wasn’t like that but urged people to pray for divine intervention. Just when things were at their darkest a the huge flock of pigeons swooped in and ate all the bugs, every last one of them. The crop was saved and the farmers decided that as a way of thanking the pigeons they would change the town’s name to Pigeon Falls and refrain from eating them. They also decided to raise money for a big pigeon statue to stand at the edge of town as a constant reminder of what the pigeons had done.. And so we continue to celebrate the start of Pigeon Falls.. This is the official story as it is engraved on the Pigeon Statue on main street.

All of this official stuff was followed by the pigeon calling contest. This year there were forty people trying for the $1000 prize.