The Liar's Club Contest continues and yesterday Thom Robinson who is visiting from Honolulu Hawaii took his turn. Here is his story:
I remember when, Dr. Betty, DDS, whom had the local dentist office, fell in love with the travelling carnival clown Bill, and decided to move on with the carnival. That very next week, Dr. John, DDS, set up shop in the exact location. It just so happened that the day after he opened his doors for business, I had a problem with my teeth. Walking to his office I see his sign on the door:
YOU GET A MIRACLE
I kid you not I was scared. But I decided to go on in. Entering I see a pretty filly with a name tag of Melli. And she was a filly. Every time she spoke the room filled with blue bubbles. Sitting next to her, with a name tag of Cherie on her, was a puffy panda. A real panda mind you. Everytime that Cherie spoke these huge red lips, all puckered up and ready to kiss would float across the room. I looked over and everyone in the waiting room was ignoring all of this and it was as if nothing was happening. So after checking in, I sat convinced I was just imagining this.
Soon thereafter, the door to the examination area opens and out comes Nessa, an orange butterfly. She calls my name and all these tarot cards start floating across the room. I decide to follow her and say it’s just my imagination. Walking down the hall we pass a room where the hygenist was. Her name tag said Quilly. She said hello and all the books in the office start opening and pages begin turning. Was there no end to this?
Nessa guides me to the room and orders me to sit in the chair and says, more tarot cards now, Dr. John, DDS will be right with you. She flutters away. About two minutes later the door opens and in comes an Octipai with 12 arms. The name tag says Dr. John, DDS. I feel like I’m going to faint here. Dr. John, DDS, says nothing and one of his arms gets in my mouth and within seconds the words “Impacted Widsom Tooth” appear right before me.
With no novocaine or gas, Dr. John, DDS grabs a pipe wrench, that was the size that could open any 16” pipe, opens my mouth, pulls the tooth and with his outstreched arms sends it across the hall to Baron, the 12” Giraffe. Meanwhile, Quilly and Nessa come into the room and all of a sudden while Baron starts to hammer away at the tooth, their skirts begin to twirl. I guess when he hummed, the skirts started twirling as the minute he stopped the skirts stopped. In less than a minute, Dr John, DDS, stretched his arm out grabbed the tooth and put it back into my mouth. They all left the room. I felt like a million bucks. It was as if nothing had happened.
I walked out to where red lips and blue bubbles filled the air and settled my bill. Melli and Cherie say goodbye and thank me for coming. Opening the door, all the people were gone. Had I hit the bottle too much last night? Was I too tired? Was I dreaming?
Later in the day, I get a note from Dr. John, DDS, delivered cash on delivery, which I happily paid, stating:
“The event’s were real. The footage of your ixtraction is preserved on 16mm film and is stored in the vault at TP4WW Bank and Trust, a Sarcastic Corporation.” I have a copy. Now if we could find a 16mm reel to reel camera. I Remember the day I got my miracle.His exact score seems to be unavailable but he did score over a nine and the judges gave him more than one ten. He is almost surely going to be one of the finalists.
Three others tried as well but all fell below nine. Dang low scoring judges.